Frequently, I speak and write about how important values are to strong organizations, and the impact that a values-driven culture has on worker engagement, customer devotion, and business achievement. Any leader interested in a strong ROI must make values and the building of a strong culture their priority.
When I speak and write on this subject, I eventually come around to a particular point of “bad news,” as I call it, which is that the leader has to live out what the leader asks others to live out. It stands to reason, of course. The only problem? We’re as fallible as the next fellow, yet the spotlight is aimed straight at us.
One of the things I watch for in leaders is their ability to admit error. Many leaders have a belief that the office they hold requires them to stay above this fray. “‘I’m sorry’ shows weakness,” a friend once said to me.
An example: Will the one in charge apologize when walking in to the staff meeting 10 minutes late, or will he skip the nicety, believing his office will excuse him somehow by virtue of his important duties? I know a leader who seldom arrives at his meetings less than 30 minutes late, and never gives an inch. It’s always straight to, “Let’s get started!” The inference is clear: I’m in charge here –You’re on a need-to-know basis as to why I’m late, and I deem that you don’t need to know.
I give this small example – the boorishness of a chronically tardy boss – because it represents the commonplace of values violation. We all know that there are big, ugly examples, and that not taking responsibility for being late is “small,” in the grand scheme of things. Being tardy is to keep false books, as spray-painting graffiti is to committing an act of murder. Right? I’m giving a small example, but I could give some ginormous ones.
However, let’s stick with our example. So let’s say that promptness and timeliness is one of your company’s values – you give the customer what you promise when you promise it – yet, you (the leader) walk in late to a staff meeting with your direct reports. Is apologizing a good idea, or not? If you think this question is too obvious, then you haven’t met the folk who live by, “Never let them see you sweat!” But I have, in fact, met them.
Great leaders admit their errors. The admission of error can be an extraordinary act of leadership. “I’m sorry” can reinforce your authority. “I was wrong” can anchor you in the seat of command. I suspect you noticed my use of the word “can.” The fact is that many leaders steer away from personal admission of mistakes because there are, indeed, some dangers here.
This being the case – that there are dangers in leaders admitting their mistakes –are there some simple rules to navigate this terrain? Yes, there are!
- Don’t grovel. You’re in charge. You are responsible to call a spade a spade. You do this with your employees, so you correct your own misbehavior, too. “My tardiness this morning is inexcusable, ladies and gentlemen. Please accept my apology!” Give it a beat. Then get on with the meeting, because there’s work to do!
- Do your utmost not to do it again. As leader, you’re the standard bearer. Bearing the standard is not, primarily, being apologist-in-chief forcontinuously failing the standard. Life isn’t fair. The leader bears the standard, apologies when in error, and doubles down on bearing the standard.
- Jump on the ‘small’ failures. Better yet, ditch the idea that some infractions are small. Counterintuitive to the opinions of many New Yorkers, MayorRudy Giuliani made graffiti a big deal; he did so in a city that had decided to overlook graffiti in order to concentrate on their bigger criminal problems. Giuliani knew what all great leaders know; the fastest way to get more big problems is to overlook the little ones! Draw the line. Then hold the line.
- Don’t grovel. Is this a repeat? No. In the first instance, I meant, “Don’tgive away your authority. You’re in charge, you made a mistake, you called it, and now you’re moving on.” In this instance, I mean, “Show that there’s grace and dignity.” Good folk mess up. Your people will mess up, too. You don’t grovel when you mess up, and you won’t make them either. There’s grace for the fallen, room to learn, and dignity for all.
Hold the standard, admit your errors in humility, and protect everyone’s dignity. Yours is a command of truth and grace, and “I’m sorry” are words that you can actually say. More importantly, they’re words that you must say.